


Feelings

by kayla_desirae_collins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Human Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 21:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11090064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayla_desirae_collins/pseuds/kayla_desirae_collins
Summary: You talk to Jody about your feelings for Cas. Deciding maybe its time to come to terms with the feelings and just tell him, after all, you're in love with him.





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> this is human!cas

“You sure you don’t want to come out with us?” Dean implored as he picked up his jacket from the chair. Sam, Cas, and himself had planned on going out for the night, you were going to go to but had changed your mind at the last minute.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks anyway, have a drink for me,” you smiled up at him. Cas was in the midst of putting on his own coat before you announced your dismissal. When you smiled up at Dean, you missed the small frown that began to form on Cas' face. Cas enjoyed spending time with you, mostly because you were the only one patient enough to help him learn the ways of humanity. You didn’t get as frustrated with him as the brothers did; its not that they meant to be so harsh, they just didn’t have enough patience or time like you did. 

“That is, if its okay with you,” you added, looking over towards Jody. The four of you had come to visit with her over the weekend after deciding a break was needed. Her eyes lit up and her smile was warm.

“Absolutely!” she insisted. Your smile resurfaced and turned back to the boys.

“We’ll be here then,” you gave softly, standing to hug them a farewell. It was just something you were used to doing, something you didn’t take for granted especially with the lives you all lived. Not that you noticed, but when you hugged Cas, he was hesitant to let you go. Even though they were just going out for drinks, he wanted you there with him. Though he couldn’t bring himself to ask why you had changed your mind so suddenly. 

“Be careful, Cas,” you instructed, giving him a gentle squeeze on his forearm where your hand was now resting. He nodded and didn’t say a word as he followed the brothers out towards the car. He definitely wasn’t himself and you probably would have noticed if your mind wasn’t racing. This was the reason you decided to stay behind; you were in need for some girl talk asap and you couldn’t think of a better time than right now while the boys were out.

“So,” Jody began as she leaned back in her chair, “not that I mind because I definitely enjoy your company, but why’d you decide to stay behind?” Even with the boys gone it was hard for you to collect yourself, afraid that if you spoke they might somehow still be able to hear you.

“Well…,” you paused, scooting to the edge of your seat as you interlaced your fingers together, “…I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” Your body language gained her interest, she’d never seen you so nervous looking.

“Yeah, okay,” she agreed, a little to accepting. Claire and Alex talk with her, but never on a really deep level as what she would like. She knew that when they were ready they would, but things hadn’t escalated that far yet. But you grew on her just like Claire and Alex had, Sam, Dean, and Cas too. You were just as much as family as they were and she considered them her own.

“Do you think angels… well…do you think people can really change?” Your question sort of threw her off guard.

“I suppose so. I mean, under all kinds of circumstances, people are prone to change quite often throughout their lifetime.” Jody sat up, copying your frame and squinting her eyes trying to pinpoint where this was going.

“That would be more of a personality or lifestyle thing,” you whisper, cocking your head as you tried to think of a way to reword your question so she would have a better understanding.

“People can misread people but if they actually get to know them, things between them might change, right?” Looking back up at her, you awaited a response. Something in her mind clicked, thinking back to when Castiel first began choosing free will alongside Sam and Dean. 

“Are we talking about Cas?” Her question brought you front and center, away from all your thoughts. 

“Well…” you started but you didn’t know how to tell her. This whole subject, especially since you were finally admitting it to someone, was very difficult for you.

"Because he’s an angel,” she continued, watching you closely making sure you were both sort of following each other. Little did either of you know, you weren’t on the same page at all; though you were both in the same book.

“He was, ...past tense now,” you quickly added with hope in your tone, though she hesitated a moment before speaking again.

"(y/n), you know as well as I do, angels and humans have different levels of reasonings,... however-“ you cut her off, thinking she was going a different way with the conversation.

"I know, but Castiel…he’s human now.” Jody chuckled at your swift remarks, you were really after the fact that he was human.

“Hang on let me finish; however, Cas’ view changed way before his grace was taken away. If you think he might have angel thoughts while being human, it is possible but I don’t think now that he is human he will go back to thinking the way he did before meeting Dean and Sam,” she gave, hoping to ease your mind. 

“He will still take free will into consideration the way he always has. Its always had that effect on him,” Jody continued, backing up her previous statement clearly. Scrunching your brows in confusion, you began to understand that she didn’t quite catch your first question the way you had meant for her to.

“Did that… am I helping at all?” She questioned, her features easing up as she began to think that it wasn’t what you were trying to hear.

“No, you are helping. You’re helping a lot actually, just in a different view point than the approach I was trying,” you smile still having hope.

“Alright, help me out here kiddo. What is the exact question you’re trying to find the answer to?” Jody straightened her back, perching her elbow on her knee and resting her chin on her palm. Taking in a deep breath, you tried calming your nerves as best as you could.

“Well, like you said, Cas was an angel. He was an angel before he was human and like Dean says, angels are wired differently than us humans,” you state matter of factly. She paid close attention to each word that fell from your mouth, taking each piece and putting your puzzle together.

“And you brought to my attention just now, a key part of something I somehow forgot. Castiel has a soft spot for free will and humanity…” you mumble off, mainly talking to yourself than to her at the current moment. The room was silent as you processed everything in your mind, meanwhile, Jody was doing her best to figure out what she could with the little information she had.

“(y/n), I can’t help you if I don’t know everything thats going on,” she said softly, scooting closer to you and taking your hand in hers for support. Somehow, all the bad thoughts were overruling all the positive possibilities your predicament held. As you had been thinking, your head was held down so when the tears began to prick your eyes, they fell without hesitation; leaving streaks down your face. Jody hadn’t had the chance to notice until you looked up, eyes almost bloodshot in just the few moments you two had been sitting in silence. Immediately her reaction turned to worry.

“(Y/n), whats wrong?” wrapping her arm around your back, she began rubbing soothing circles with her hand.

“Do you think Cas could ever love someone like me?” Finally, the question was out there. More tears poured from your eyes as you awaited her answer. All the negative thoughts cancelling out every single one of the positives. Jody looked at you with wide eyes as she went over your question carefully. A few moments ago, you were fine and she now understood why you looked so nervous yet hopeful at the same time. But now you were a teary mess and in all of the years she had known you, she had never seen you like this; especially over someone else. In fact, she’d never even seen you with or even heard about you being with any one ever. She just figured, hunter to hunter, that you didn’t want a relationship because of how messy it could be in the life. Though now that she was thinking it all over, it all made sense. All the playful laughs, the mounds of worry, the hollowed emptiness you felt the few times Cas had been taken out; you loved him, you were in love with him. She could see it all so clearly now, you never wanted anyone else, you’ve always just wanted Cas or no one at all. And now that he was human, all your pent up emotions were trying to escape and coming to the surface. Jody noticed her slight hesitation as the realization of it all swarmed in.

“Angel or human, of course he could,” she explained carefully but in all seriousness. You looked at her through your teary eyes, finding reassurance within her.

“What do the boys think?” She wanted to know what they had told you all these years that had even gave you the slightest doubt. Wiping your eyes, you forced out a sad laugh.

“I’ve never told anyone. Not until just now,” you explained. Though you hadn’t out right said how you felt about him, you knew that she knew. Your feelings for the clueless blue eyed angel-human you’d grown to love, was out there; someone finally knew. Jody sat there for a moment, taking in what you were saying. If you had never told anyone and no one knew, she knew you trusted her enough for her to be the first you’d ever told.

“I’m happy you felt comfortable sharing this with me,” she turned her head, staring throughout the room. She was genuinely happy and a smile tugged at her lips. Seeing her smile and having her reassurance helped reset your thoughts. Glancing over at you, you couldn't help but smile back; the both of you even began to laugh a little, happy laughter this time.

“What are you going to do?” she quirked her eyebrow up, grin still upon her face. Rubbing your hands over your face a few times before resting them back on your thighs, you pondered for a moment.

“I have no idea. I honestly don’t know,” you answered, letting out a little defeated sigh.

“Are you going to tell him how you feel?” As soon as her question left her mouth, you gaped at her not exactly knowing what to say.

“I-I…well…I don’t… I don’t think I can,” you pictured the event in your mind but you didn’t want to think about how it ended. Not because you were afraid of telling him and being rejected, but because Cas needed someone right now; now more than ever with him being human. You couldn't ruin things at a time like this or even make it awkward. The brothers couldn't give him the one on one that he needed. You weren’t worried over the fact of your own embarrassment, but more so over the fact that you didn’t want Cas to feel like he was completely alone; that you were just helping him because you had a silly crush on him. Of course, calling your feelings a crush was a complete understatement, Cas wouldn’t be able to catch onto what you truly meant. You were trying your best to help him but he was still clueless in some areas, not that you minded because his lack of understanding and opaque curiosity lead him to making his adorable head tilts.

“He needs me right now,” you admitted, sadly but with honor, “as a friend. I can’t let him down.” Before Jody could counteract that statement or even try to get you to change your mind, you both were interrupted.

“Let who down?” Dean quizzed, as Sam and Cas followed in behind him. Both you and Jody watched as they shrugged out of their coats, neither one of you saying anything. Once Dean sat his jacket on the back of the chair, he turned back to the both of you, Sam and Cas watched curiously too.

“Did we walk in on something?” Sam asked shyly, not wanting to be rude but feeling something was definitely off. Shaking your head no, you glanced over at Jody as she sneaked a peak over towards Cas.

“Nope,” you popped the ‘p’ and stood from your seat. “Jody and I,” you stifled a laugh, “we were just talking about a hunt I had went on a few years back. Originally I had went solo but I ran into another hunter and we wound up working the case together. I, uh, had a lot on my mind at the time but I had to pull myself together so I wouldn’t let the guy down. I was telling Jody that I kept thinking ‘I can’t let him down’, ” Four sets of eyes were glued on you, watching you with uncertainty. The room had got really quiet and your were starting to become very uncomfortable with their questionable gazes.

“Yes,” Jody agreed as she pulled her own self together. “(y/n) was telling me what all she was going through at the time. Very risky taking on a hunt like that with all of that going on. I mean, you could of died,” she looked at you as she said the last part. Everything she had just said went by the brothers very unconvincingly. They knew how careful you were and that when you were hunting, you separated your personal feelings from your work. It was one of your things went by, especially after learning how their father had been; chasing after the yellow eyed demon. It was understandable, but very personal and stunts like that are what get you killed. Sam and Dean looked between you and Jody both, neither of them bought it and they were fixing to say something right when Cas spoke up.

"You should’ve been more careful,” he tilted his head while holding a worried expression. Dean was the first to shoot a weird look in Cas’ direction and it didn’t take long for Sam to follow his brothers move, gazing at him questionably before switching back to you and Jody.

"Yeah… thanks Cas…….I, uh,… I’m going to go get ready for bed,” you drew you brows together, blinking as you angled your head towards the floor as you walked from the room. Cas was Cas, but Sam and Dean both knew something was up and poor Jody was caught so off guard. Once you were out of sight, Jody was able to pull herself together.

“How come you’re all back so early?” her tone was smooth, not like early when she sound like she was definitely trying to cover something up. Dean caved in and Sam just shrugged everything that just happened off his shoulders. Both of them knew something was up but obviously now wasnt the time to talk about it.

“The bar closed early. We made it there right when they were closing the doors.” Dean explained, huffing a sigh of defeat.  
“You wouldn’t happen to have anything here would you?” Jody smiled a sly smile and carried herself into the kitchen, explaining she had quite a stock, all they had to do was ask. 

“Awesome!” Dean smirked and patted his brother on the shoulder as he followed Jody into the kitchen. Sam shook his head, rolling his eyes at his brother before settling his sight over to Cas, whom was still watching the door from where you vanished.

“Cas,…you okay?” Sam quizzed seriously, following his gaze to the door and back. Castiel hesitated his response.

“I’m fine, its (y/n) I’m worried about. She seems… out of sorts,” he admitted, moving his blue eyes over to the younger Winchester. Sam nodded and thought it over for a moment before he cleared his throat. 

“Yeah,... she does. I’ll go check on her,” he began to move towards your room, but Cas stopped him.

“I will go,” Cas insisted, meeting Sam’s questionable quirky gaze. Sam didn’t have proof but he felt both of you had feelings for each other but the other was completely oblivious. Cas looked away from Sam, feeling his cheeks warm at the realization of how fast he offered to go instead.

“I just figured you and Dean wanted drinks. I think I’m going to go to bed too… I can check on her while I’m headed that way,” Castiel explained. Sam smiled and as he stared at his friend, his brother, his smile only grew.

“Okay, Cas,” Sam was still smiling as he went to meet his brother and host in the kitchen. He couldn’t help but hope the both of you would see what was directly in front of you and that it happened soon; you deserved each other, you both deserved to be happy.

“What are you smiling at?” Dean questioned once Sam entered the kitchen. The younger brother shook his head with a huge smirk on his face as he shrugged off his brothers comment. As Dean continued on talking with Jody, her and Sam locked eyes; both of them realizing what the other knew. Both of them smiled as they turned to look towards the living room where Sam had left Cas, hoping…no… praying that things between the two of you would escalate, for both of your sakes. 

Cas stood there for a moment once Sam had left before he began making his way to you. Once he stood still in front of your door, he hesitantly knocked and waited patiently for your answer. But you didn’t answer, which was very unlike you so he knocked again but still nothing. Worry coursed through him and he couldn’t help but open the door. Upon peaking inside, he saw the bathroom door was closed and he could hear the shower running. Since he became human, he’s learned more about personal space and privacy, so he knew better than to walk in on you taking a shower. However, he wanted to talk to you; to make sure you were okay. So he decided to sit and wait for you on your bed, his hands resting in his lap as his eyes searched the room. Eventually, he heard you turn the water off. After you dried off and dressed yourself, you realized you had left your tooth brush in your other bag. Upon opening the door, you were immediately meet with blue eyes.

“Cas? What are you doing in here?” fear coated your voice as you spoke, earning a head tilt from your visitor. Did Jody say anything? Surely she wouldn’t of…right?

“I wanted to check on you,” he answered, still unsure of why your voice held fear. You froze for a moment, a sigh of relief escaping you. Of course she wouldn’t say anything, she had your back.

“Im fine, really Cas. No need to worry,” your tone finally changed but he was still uncertain.

“When humans say they are fine, usually they are far from it,” he stated, standing and moving over to you. A smile appeared on your face but inside your heart was breaking. This was Cas for you, concerned, caring, clueless Castiel.

“Cas, I’m good. I promise,” giving him a quick smile, you slid past him so you could grab your toothbrush. You could feel his vibrant blue orbs glued to you, watching your every move. Once you opened your bag, you found your toothbrush and Cas’. You’d forgot that you grabbed his, knowing he’d forget it himself. Pulling them both out, you turned and walked back towards him.

“Here’s your brush,” handing over the brush, he watched you for a moment before taking it.

“I…I forgot to grab it,” he responded, looking it over before peering up to meet your gaze. 

“Yeah… I, uh, I…I thought that you might. I used to forget mine all the time. It takes a little while to remember it,”you ensure, trying to be as polite and nice as you could be.  
.  
“Thank you,” he tried a small smile, but you just still didn’t seem yourself.

“You’re welcome Cas,” you responded, giving him a fake smile, he noticed but didn’t have time to respond to it.

“Im going to brush my teeth and then hit the sack. Im kind of tired,” you explained and he nodded. He knew he wasn’t very good with this yet. He wanted to cheer you up, but something was definitely dragging you down. Giving him another fake smile, you walked past him again this time heading to the bathroom. You began applying your toothpaste to your brush and it was that moment Cas realized he had forgot his toothpaste too.

“(y/n)?” he questioned softly. Glancing up in the mirror, you met a reflection of him in the other room. “I forgot my toothpaste as well…,” he stated blankly. For some strange, unknown reason you found his statement comical and found yourself giggling. Turning his head he watched you for a moment.

“Why are you laughing?” he asked unsurely. It took you a minute to compose yourself enough to form a comprehendible sentence.

“I-I-I dont-I don’t know,” a sincere smile plastered on your face as you tried to calm your laughing. Seeing you this way, back to your normal, happy self made him happy and he found himself smiling too.  
“Come here Cas,” you invited him in and scooted over for him to use the sink too. It wouldn’t be the first time you had brushed your teeth together, you used to do it all the time when you were showing him the proper way to do it; also making sure he didn’t eat any more of the paste. He ran his brush under the water for a second before applying the paste, then ran it under once more before both of you began brushing your teeth. It wasnt until now you were self conscious about spiting back into the sink. Last time, you didn’t care honestly, but now…now you realized and didn’t deny yourself the true meaning of what you had been feeling for him. Talking with Jody earlier made you come to terms with it. So unlike the last time when you brushed your teeth together, you covered your face and bent down lower towards the sink, making sure the water was running to wash everything down the drain.

“Why are you doing it like that,” Cas questioned curiously.

“Because its gross Cas, you don’t need to see it,” you informed, suddenly so astounded by how insecure you were about it. He watched you for a moment before copying exactly what you had done. 

“This isn’t how we did it last time,” he admitted, making you turn to stare at him for a second, another smiling appearing on your lips.

“Well last time was different.”

“How so?” he questioned. Immediately your face turned bright red. What were you supposed to do now? Tell him? Thinking it over for a second, you rinsed your mouth out again and washed your brush our before answering him. That way after you told him, you could escape to the bed and hide from him in the covers. After all, you thought about it for a while now, especially while you were soaking up the hot water when you were in the shower. If you told Cas how you felt, do you honestly think he would be mad at you? Or even not be around you anymore? It was Cas… and Cas has never been mad at you before; upset with you, yes, but never angry.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to be mad and you can’t not be my friend any more, okay?” you insisted, declaring it anyway so that if there was a problem, he knew it was going to be sorted out in a way that wouldn’t change how you both were with each other; that you would still be friends. He watched you for a moment, eyeing you as he ran his brush under the water to ‘clean’ it.

“Why would I do those things towards you?” he tilted his head, brows knitting together as he placed his brush beside yours on the counter.

“I don’t know Cas… I just…” (just be honest (y/n)!)- you thought.

“Im in love with you,” you stated simply, staring at him for a moment before walking past him as he took in and sorted through your words. Pulling back the covers, you climbed into the bed. Cas seemed to be frozen still in the bathroom because you hadn’t heard him move a muscle. You laid there on your pillow, eyes wide open. There was no way you could go to sleep right now. So you stayed awake, snuggled in the blanket, ears open waiting for Cas to do something. But he didn’t. 

“Cas… just forget about it, okay? Go to sleep.” you pulled the covers over your head, stomach turning on itself. What had you done? Why did you have to say it? Why did you have to tell him? The next thing you know, you hear him turn the bathroom light out and walk over to the door. This is it, he’s going to walk right out the door and you’ve just ruined everything. Turning your light off, he shut your bed room door and your heart sank. Beside you, the bed sunk, sitting up you tried to see what he was doing, you thought he had left.

“Cas, what are you doing,” you question. Instantly his lips are on yours, his stubble grazing your smooth cheeks. Lifting your arms up and around his neck, you pulled him to you. Your mind reeled, wondering what all he was thinking, but you couldn't help but loose yourself in him; he was everything you’d ever wanted and he was giving himself to you. Before you knew it, Cas pulled away gently, placing his forehead against your own and you whined at him for pulling away too soon.

“Cas,”you complained, arms still around his neck.

“I love you too, (y/n),” he admitted before kissing your lips one last time before he kissed the tip of your nose and then once on your forehead. Cas pulled you in, tight against his chest; holding and cuddling you. This night was going to be the first of many. You loved Cas. Cas loved you. You needed each other. It was that simple.


End file.
